The UTD Mercury

Media Credit: sexdrivethemovie.com Josh Zuckerman (middle) plays Ian, who goes on a road trip with his friends Lance and Felicia. "Sex Drive" comes out in theaters Oct. 17.

If there's one thing marketers have down, they know sex sells. Modern advertisers have this down to a science. Of course, everyone reads "Playboy" for the in-depth interviews, but admit it: Coors Light would taste much more urine-like without those scantily clad girls rubbing the bottle all over themselves in the commercials.

There's good sense that sex makes people want to buy stuff. Having sex is an end in itself, and watching other people have sex can at least be a means to an end. Anything that links this with some product will evoke a most likely positive response.

But why would someone pay to watch some barely-pubescent, sex-obsessed teenager on an overblown quest to get laid for the first time? There's no logical reason that this premise would be appealing enough to carry a movie. Or that this premise was successful enough to spawn sequels and imitations. But, logic be damned, the teen-sex-epic has become a thriving genre of its own, and "Sex Drive" is its latest incarnation.

One part "American Pie," two parts "Road Trip," with a healthy dose of "Kingpin" mixed in (minus whatever originality those movies had), "Sex Drive" describes the movie's plot more thoroughly than any two-word title probably should.

Josh Zuckerman plays the socially awkward but boyishly charming Ian whose eagerness and earnest desire to please have yet to make any inroads on his virginity. So when he meets a willing and suspiciously hot girl over the internet (screen name: Ms. Tasty), he decides to steal his brother's 1969 Pontiac GTO and go on a cross-country road trip to see her in person. As the movie's tag line puts it: "He's leaving virgin territory."

With the vocal encouragement of the Jean-Claude Van Damme poster in his bedroom, he sets out from suburban Chicago for Knoxville, Tenn., with his two best friends: the pudgy but disproportionately suave Lance and beautiful, free-spirited Felicia - Ian's would-be soul mate, if only they weren't such close friends.

What ensues is more or less a random series of crazy shenanigans. The trio is nearly killed by an enraged redneck boyfriend, almost peed on by a deranged hitchhiker and stumble upon a bunch of Amish children celebrating Rumspringa, a kind of ritual teenage hiatus from acting Amish. And, am I spoiling anything by revealing that Ian doesn't end up sleeping with Ms. Tasty but rediscovers his latent attraction to Felicia with whom he lives happily ever after?

"Sex Drive" is derivative to its core. The plot is recycled from older, better teen movies, as are the characters. The main character even looks like Jason Biggs. The story jumps haphazardly from one event to the next, and minor characters are introduced for a scene then curiously never reappear; it would be a tough movie to follow if there was actually something there to be followed.

Putting actual quality aside, though, "Sex Drive" works in a lot of ways. As social advocacy, the movie heroically tackles those pernicious Amish stereotypes that have so long plagued American culture. Did you know that they can disassemble and rebuild antique muscle cars? Or that Amish children also like to rock out to pop-punk superstars Fall Out Boy? And just how exactly did the Amish girl Lance hooks up with get such a great tan? All this time I thought they just built barns and drove buggies.

More importantly, the movie was actually funny. Not consistently funny, not every-joke-is-good funny, but funny in a refreshingly unsubtle way. I'll spare you the not-funny-when-you-describe-them details, but depending on how developed your appreciation for low-brow, hyper-sexualized slapstick is, "Sex Drive" could be worth your while.

Perhaps there will come a time when I outgrow my fascination for the kind of infantile humor that is this movie's sole raison d'etre. But, don't hold your breath. The day I don't laugh at a giant talking donut with a sombrero and a hard-on will be a sad day indeed.

"Sex Drive" opens in theaters everywhere on Oct. 17.

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